That's Exactly Why There Dead
by FlameXcat
Summary: Maybe the forest was better off without Tigerstar and the others, but that's certainly not going to stop them from coming back. Well...maybe. Oh well, at least it will make a mighty dumb story!


**Okay, so this story is purely out of boredom. It should be rated "R" for RETARDED.**

**WARNING: You may feel much stupider after having read this.**

**DISCLAIMER: I. Do. Not. Own. Warriors.**

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One day in the warriors forest...well sort of. Actually not _really_.

Ahem, one day in that place where all the evil, insane, twisted, crazy, dead cats live somewhere up in the sky near Starclan (as far as we know) a group of evil, insane, twisted, crazy, dead cats where gathered together around a cauldron.

How they all got there nobody knows, they were just there contrary to the belief that they where cursed to walk alone.

Taking a rather large whiff of the boiling liquid, Tigerstar laughed, "With this recipe, we will be back to our normal selves in no time!" He announced. His statement was quickly followed with a few cheers, but most of the cats said nothing and where to busy trying not to puke at the rancid smell.

"And you know this will work because?"

Instantly Tigerstar turned around to confront the speaker, Brokentail.

"Because if it doesn't, than we will still be stuck here, and if where still here, than there's no story and the summery is a liar." Everybody agreed with the logic and afterward s said nothing.

Turning to Darkstripe, who was currently stirring the potion with a ladle, he poked the former Thunderclan warrior, "Yo, when is this going to be done anyway?"

Darkstripe shrugged, "how the hell am I suppose to know, Hawkfrost ate the directions remember?" He answered, pointing at the huddled figure of a tabby snacking on some paper.

"Oh right, well...when do you _THINK_ it will be done?"

"When it's done."

"Well that makes sense, carry on Darkstripe!" Tigerstar replied as if he actually knew what he was talking about. To pass the time, the others played a game of checkers.

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"HA! I _win_!" Exclaimed Scourge for the 8th time in a row, Ashfur, his component, finely snapped.

"Just because you tipped the board over, DOSN'T MEAN YOU WIN!"

"Yes it does!"

"No it doesn't!"

"YES it does!"

"NO it doesn't!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes."

"No."

This argument continued for a considerable amount of time before finely Darkstripe announced the concoction was finished. As fast as a bunch of dead cats could, everyone ran over and gathered around the cauldron. Tigerstar being an arrogant villain and all just pushed everyone out of the way to look over the edge.

As it turns out, it was a disgusting looking green and smelled a lot like rotting squirrels.

"Hmm..." Darkstripe muttered as he held up a picture the cook book had provided, comparing the two. Of course they looked nothing alike. "Tigerstar, I think this is not going to work."

"Be quite Darkstripe, of course it will work!" He snapped. Then suddenly getting an idea, he smiled, "and being the kind cat I am, I will allow someone else to take the first sip, any takers?"

Immediately everyone took a step back except for Mudclaw who just stood there drooling and staring into space. The tree, which had been the death of him, had caused severe brain damage, but of course nobody really cared.

"Wonderful!" Tigerstar meowed, grabbing the tom and shoving his face into the potion.

After a few minutes, and a suggestion from Scourge that he probably couldn't breathe, Tigerstar pulled Mudclaw back up. "Well?" He questioned the Windclanner as if he expected him to answer back.  
Mudclaw didn't reply and continued to stare at nothing as though unaffected.

Frustrated Tigerclaw shoved him away and crossed his arms like a three year old, "this is suppose to bring us back to life, are you sure you followed the directions Dark- oh yeah, no directions."  
Abandoning hope, he stomped his feet in a tantrum, knocking the cauldron over in his anger.

Naturally it spilled all over the cats.

The group suddenly breaking into complete chaos, it wasn't until their fur started glowing that they shut up.

"Oh my Starclan, it's actually working!" Darkstripe squealed in a voice much too high pitched to belong to a tom. Thankfully for him, nobody noticed. For a moment it looked like something was actually going to happen, but as it turns out, it was only the batteries that Darkstripe had added to the mix.

Unable to hold in his anger, Tigerstar punched Ashfur in the face which confused the majority since Hawkfrost was actually the one who had caused the problem in the first place, but nobody said anything and continued with their arguing.

Meanwhile, while nobody had noticed, a giant door had appeared out of nowhere and it wasn't until Darkstripe crashed into it that anybody realized it was there. "What the..." he murmured holding his bruised nose "hey look it!" All eyes went wide when attention was drawn to the door. Not that anybody had actually seen a door before, but still.

Running over to it, Tigerstar inspected the slab of wood. After several long moments he pointed out the obvious, "It appears to be a door!"

"Where do you think it goes?"

"Maybe it goes to Narnia!"

"What the heck is Narnia?"

"Is it edible?"

"It's a sign from Starclan!"

"Why would Starclan send US a sign, where dead..."

As everyone started up yet _another_ argument, the door started to open, and Mudclaw being mindless and all, walked straight in. Hawkfrost was the first to notice his absence.

Figuring where he must have gone, Tigerclaw declared someone go in after him. When no cat volunteered, he pointed to Ashfur, "You, you go!"

"What? No way!"

"Fine, Scourge, you go!"

"I killed you, why would I listen to you?"

"Well someone has to go!"

"I know!" Darkstripe piped up, "We'll use the strategy of, rock, paper, scissors."

So everyone played, except after an hour, there was still no one to go since pretty much everyone was a liar and a cheater.

"We'll I guess that settles it, he's a goner," Scourge announced, turning around to leave.

"Why don't we all go?" Suggested Ashfur, whose face was still bleeding.

Tigerclaw glared at him, "No Ashfur your an idiot, I say we all go!"

For some dumb and unknown reason, this persuaded the group and one by one they walked through the door. Actually, it was probably just because the story had to move on, but other than that it's pretty much unknown.

**M** E **A** N **W** H **I** L **E**....

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Thunderclan where having their annual Barbecue that they hosted every year. It was overall a very delightful event, except for the fact that most of the kits mysteriously disappeared afterwards, but hey, who needs kits?

Firestar, who for some reason seemed to have gone crazy in his old age, was sitting peaceful in the clearing, counting_ every_ single pebble he set eyes on while the party went on around him.

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"Firestar!" Interrupted an impatient Sandstorm.

"Aww snickerdoodles, now I have to start over! 5, 8, 90, 456..."

"Firestar, Greystripe and Birchfall want your permission to host a fireworks show in the elders Den."

"What? Oh yeah sure...whatever..." he mumbled before continuing on with his counting. It wasn't until she had left did he stop.

Suddenly adopting a thoughtful expression, he looked around.

"My leader senses are telling me something horrible is going to happen!"

But instead of doing anything, he just shrugged and started counting again.

Little did he or any other cat know, something was going to happen, except it had absolutely nothing to do with Thunderclan and they had absolutely no business in the story. Oh well, the damage the fireworks would cause later on would be sure to keep them busy anyway.

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**I'm pretty sure I have lost alot of brains having wrote this chapter.**

**Oh well, I can always just lose more by writing the 2nd chapter.  
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End file.
